I had a moment one Saturday morning, about two weeks ago, I was riding in my car listening to an older cd. (yes, I’m ancient technologically and I still listen to cds!) It was a Sandra McCracken album that had been on repeat in my car for about a year straight almost a decade ago. You know how music brings back memories. Well this album was bringing me back to the place I was in my relationship with God, about a decade ago.
We were in a good place, God and I. I was trusting Him, serving Him, and looking forward to all God would do in my life. That’s what your 20’s are all about right? Possibilities. It was really good. I think at that time, I thought it couldn’t get better.
God has a way though. In this past decade, much has happened. Some beautiful, some incredibly painful. And the line between the two is really, really blurry. As for all those possibilities, well, some came to pass, some haven’t. The ones that did, well, those are probably the ones that have thrown me the most.
Then, riding in my car, with Sandra in one ear, and God in the other, reminiscing, I realized, I love God so much more now than I ever have before. And right now, it’s not a love based on possibilities. I have learned that even if those possibilities, those dreams, come true, it won’t be the way I imagine it. And I have learned that even if the dreams don’t come true, God is still good. God has been so faithful to me.
I was so sure of things back then. I think in almost every way, I am farther behind now than I was in my 20’s. Bad things have happened. Things I can’t explain. But God has been at my side every moment. He has been so good to me. I’m not sure I can even explain the insanity of these sentences sitting right next to each other. God has been good, while bad things have happened. He has whispered encouragement in my heart daily, even hourly when needed.
I realized that my relationship with God has shifted. It has shifted from possibility to a history. I guess this happens in a marriage too. You start excited about all the possibility, and grow into a trust based on a history. That’s where I am with God. (my husband too, now that I think about it.) And it’s a very sweet place to be.
I still have dreams, possibilities, in mind. But they aren’t the things I cherish anymore. I know that no matter where I go, God will be with me.
In 1 Samuel chapter 7, you see Samuel erect a monument to God’s faithfulness.
Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer, saying, “Thus far the Lord has helped us.”
It was a fairly common thing to set up stones as monuments to great events. They were meant to be reminders. When children asked about the stone formations, they could be told the stories of God’s faithfulness. Ebenezer in Hebrew means “stone of help”. This website is my Ebenezer. It is my monument to God’s faithfulness.
Thus far the Lord has helped me.